Determination helps me through

... as one of my friends has pointed out, this was a line in a song that I sang in a concert last night (Noel Coward's If Love Were All, if you were wondering).

About ten days ago, I was a bit annoyed with myself for getting a target wrong. Let me explain...

When I left Obsidian on 13 June, having lost 7lb, I was 12 stone 6. I reckoned that getting to under 12 stone would be enough to allow me to fit into a particular concert dress on 19 July. I set this as an achievable target during a session led by the splendid Marco during my stay in Spain. In fact, I actually well achieved that (by last night's concert, I weighed in at 11-11 - making a 9lb weightloss in around five weeks).

With ten days to go, and weighing in at about 12-1, I extracted said dress - and wondered why it was still far too small. When I checked, I found that my recollection had been faulty: the last time I'd worn it was in May 2009 - when I'd not long been coping (badly) with my plantar fasciitis, hadn't yet put on too much weight, and was around 11-3. Disappointed, I reckoned I'd have to borrow a dress or (worse) buy another one, as a loss of some 12 pounds in ten days seemed unlikely (not to say unhealthy).

However, a further four pounds came off in that time, and perhaps the exercise and mostly vegetarian diet are changing my shape; because I triumphantly wore said dress, and was delighted that it looked good. I actually felt confident in a stage outfit for, I would say, the very first time in five years.

I had to publish a silly photo to share with my Obsidian friends on Facebook, so this was it. Caption really should be (if you know your James Cagney films): "I made it, Ma - top of the world!".

So, after a wonderful concert, many happy times and much encouragement, I will now pause and reflect, focus on my next goals, and keep doing what I'm doing. Because there is another way, and it's working.

After Obsidian: three weeks on

We all know what new eating and fitness regimes are: difficult to keep up. The briefest of looks through this blog will demonstrate just how 'life happens' and our best intentions and desires are scuppered, whether by ourselves or by external events, whether reasons or excuses. In my case, it's been a bout of extremely painful plantar fasciitis lasting two years - 2008 to 2010 - and a severe ankle sprain in June 2013, just as I was at least getting myself back into a regular walking habit, which is still painful twelve months on.

After seeing (and more importantly, feeling) the extraordinary difference made by my Obsidian experience in just eight days, and having experienced the new possibilities afforded by increased vegetarian eating and the delights of juicing, I knew that I needed to make this as easy for myself as possible. So... what has changed?

• I have kept up my near-as-dammit 5K walks almost every day. OK, so a Norfolk countryside is a lot less tough than Spanish mountains, but it's still done. You can see the evidence on my Runkeeper account. In the 23 days since my return, I have had just three days on which no walking has happened, and two others when I've walked less than 4.5K. That's included some rainy days, by the way.
• I have eliminated my Assam tea entirely, and am perfectly happy with an assortment of Redbush, fruit and herb teas. The last time I had 'normal' tea was on the flight to Obsidian on 3 June.
• I have not missed dairy products, and much to my surprise find a real liking for soya milk (which I have on occasional [gluten-free] muesli, and in one or two juices.
• I have been cooking mostly vegan recipes from Obsidian, using chicken and fish on average once a week each.
• I have drunk (and enjoyed) three glasses of (half diluted with water) white wine in the time since my return, and haven't missed it the rest of the time.
• I have reduced my regular carbohydrate in evening meals by half (1 ounce instead of 2 of pasta or rice, 3 ounces instead of 6 of potatoes).
• I bought a juicer, which arrived five days after my return. Since then, most of my breakfasts have been (post-walk) juices. If I'm in a real hurry, it's gluten-free muesli, fruit and soya yogurt, which I love.
• I have started treatments with an excellent local sports masseur (James Witham) to try to deal with my continually problematic right ankle. This was inspired by my session with the wonderful Gilly at Obsidian.

Now, for the first ten days after my return, having implemented all the above, I was getting a bit piqued that my 12-6 weight (down from 12-13) hadn't moved an ounce. Very irritating! However, I persevered; and suddenly the downward journey began again. Today, 23 days after my return, I've shed a total of a further 5 pounds; this morning I weighed in at 12 stone 1 pound - a total weight loss of 12 pounds.

I have reclaimed a skirt, a top, a jacket and some t-shirts from the 'keep-and-hope' section of the wardrobe. I don't have to change out of jeans and into baggy trousers in order to sit down and be comfortable; the jeans are OK to sit in. I seem to have left at least one chin behind at Obsidian. My wedding and engagement rings, while still not removable (not that I want to, you understand) can now be moved on my finger rather than cutting off circulation (I was truly afraid that they would have to be cut off and resized). 

My next target is to get down below 12 stone, and to fit into a concert dress for a performance I'm directing and taking part in on 19th July, and I'm on course to do that.

I will add more reflections on this journey - especially the 'learning' and 'moderation' aspects, which are what has made it so achievable for me - very soon. In the meantime, the photo below was taken (outside a wonderful vegetarian restaurant in Norwich, in fact) after I'd had a new haircut and highlights - and my nails painted! - wearing one of those 'rescued' jackets, and feeling SO MUCH BETTER.

Not good

I thought a bit of determination was going to help. I really did enjoy that Sports Mile. But (who knows why: wrong shoes? not enough training?) the heel took a turn for the worse afterwards. For the last month, instead of just being uncomfortable first thing and after a long walk or running attempt, it's hardly stopped hurting at all, with the result that I feel crocked and old.

I have done a few gym sessions, a few walk-runs; and then I went out with Kim and another friend of hers, Jan, for a walk-run. Lovely route, mostly on soft but even forest floor; lots of pauses to stretch; probably about 25% walking, rest running, but certainly not fast. I spent most of the session in some pain; by the time I drove home, I was literally in tears: both from the frustration of being unable to enjoy such a beautiful evening and an activity I loved, and from the pain of it.

That was a week ago, and I think I've got to admit that the Race for Life is just not going to happen. Running through pain, putting up with muscle aches, all that's fine; but this is more than that, and a really intense pain that isn't going away.

I've finally been to the doctor and booked to have a steroid injection on 6th May. I'm not looking forward to it; I've been warned that it will hurt, and that it may not even work; but I don't know what else to do.

To add insult to injury, this morning I weighed in at 12 stone exactly - the heaviest I've ever been in my life, and one pound above my starting weight back in 2007. I have three pairs of trousers that fit me; 75% of my wardrobe (at least) is unusable. I am fighting hard, the whole time, not to disappear into a black depression, because it's affecting every part of my life, and I am not a good person to be with right now.

I hope the injection works. Otherwise I just don't know what to do. And of course, as that physical feel-good factor is no longer possible, what's the replacement? Food, of course.

I am deeply ashamed and sorry for the lack of inspiration, as I was so proud of what I achieved, but right now I feel worthless and deeply unattractive. I just hope I find a way out of it.

So that's what it is

The mighty cabletow from FetchEveryone has diagnosed (remotely, but I think accurately) my problem as an inflamed peroneal retinaculum. This is just what Tim-the-physio reckoned it probably was: the thin sheets of tissue over the ankle have got inflamed. And I think it's all down to the boots.

A few weeks ago, I bought a pair of boots* from Next - black-suede-stretchy-high-heeled-knee-high - to go with a couple of my favourite hey-look-I'm-a-size-12 outfits. Loved 'em, wore them to death - although in my defence, never to walk further than car-to-church or car-to-meeting. But I think they were my downfall. Too high, no ankle support. As cabletow put it, "best save your [kinky boots] for when you're lying down". To which footpad replied "but it tears the sheets..."

The ironic thing is that if it weren't for the running, I wouldn't have been wearing slinky new outfits. So I wouldn't have needed the boots to go with them. *Sigh.*

* The actual description used on FetchEveryone is not used here, lest it be thought just a bit too risqué for the Rector's Wife.

PS at 11:00 pm: so it was natural that when there was nothing much on the box tonight, and I wanted a silly film to watch over the ironing [done sitting down, of course], the choice just had to be Kinky Boots.



PPS: a text message from my hairdresser this evening, telling me that she was moving to a new salon. Called Kinki.

A me-day

... with my darling husband's encouragement!

Into Norwich, principally to see the (excellent) production of Private Lives at the Maddermarket in the evening. I also managed to book, much to my relief, to have my hair done - as I'm trying to grow it a bit, it needs attention so I don't finish up too wild-woman-of-Borneo, and five weeks felt like a long time!

We then got sidetracked by the ever-tempting East (not to mention their new-season-mailing-list-discount), and a new dress in Wallis. Which I changed into for our visit to the theatre (I'd managed to spill lunch on the top I started off wearing!), and still found hard to believe it was me in a size 12. OK, Wallis are generous with their sizes - don't spoil it for me! Here's a quick webcam shot of the haircut and the dress - although it was very much an end-of-day tired look by this time...

An expensive day

... oh, well.

Went to Emily at Mane in the city to have my hair cut - and highlighted; happily the latter bit, being highlights not full colour, doesn't need doing than once every few months. Just as well, given the cost. (Quick webcam photo; the hair looked a bit sleeker before I got caught in the rain on my way out of Norwich!)

And then East had a sale on. Oh, dear. It was quite an achievement that I emerged only with two items: a simple black cardigan, and a fabulous blue & white skirt that I'd had my eye on for ages and was now half price.

Incidentally, Kim is due to come over for a run this evening. It's now absolutely tipping it down - this may turn into a gym session instead...

Happy to be home

Back late last night after four days in London. As a business trip, it was more of a success than I'd feared, much to my relief. Lovely to see my parents, and the clients, who I really enjoy working with. But I could feel the stress levels subsiding as the train got out of Liverpool Street, crossed into Essex, and I could see fields again... am I turning into a country girl? I was born and raised in East London, for goodness' sake!

However, as I've mentioned before, a visit to London always bumps up the step count on the pedometer. A day at home in front of the PC will yield less than 2,000 steps; if I go out for a run or to the gym, it's 5-6,000. On Tuesday, it was over 15,000 steps. This included running from my mum & dad's home to the tube station - about 1.3 miles, which took me about 15 minutes (rucksack on back containing office clothes, shoes, book etc.). And I walked the same distance back in the evening.

During the day, of course, I was going back and forth between various places in the office, and out onto the oh-too-distracting High Street Kensington at lunchtime... I bought a lovely skirt and top from M&S, both size 12 (hooray!) and felt happy with what I saw in the mirror. It does still take some getting used to.

I probably ate a bit more than I normally do. My dad's excellent fruit salad breakfast, with plenty of plain yogurt & cereal; sandwich-yogurt-fruit lunch; mum's great cooking (healthy and generous) for dinner. Oh, and another yogurt with muesli & honey when I got into the office after my run - I felt I needed the fuel... And I was clearly right - the metabolism seems to be doing its stuff: this morning I was under 145 lb (OK, so it was only by a quarter-pound, but seeing the scales reading 10 stone 4 anything was a huge boost!).

PS: reading this back - is there a Yogurt-Eaters-Anonymous group?!

OK, I'm addicted...

... judging by how much better I felt after today's gym session.

Yesterday, as you'll have gathered, was a complete washout - torrential rain at frequent intervals meant that a run was out of the question, and the A47 accident proved to be dreadful enough to keep the A47 shut for hours, preventing access to the gym (not that my gym session is what you'd call important in the larger scheme of things).

Today saw me at a women's networking event in Norwich - Women on Top - which was great fun and very helpful. It was pouring with rain as we finished (there's a change), but eventually I made it back to the car park in one piece, and got to Carrefour.

I realised with some horror that it's ten days - ten days - since I was at the gym - although I console myself with the fact that there have at least been three runs and two long walks in that time, not to mention two decluttering sessions with all the physical work that implies. However, it's also four days since my last run (Friday), so I was eager to get back on track. Ten minutes' warmup, fifteen on the Nautilus, fifteen running at 8 km/hour on the treadmill, then a full 45 minutes of weights programme. Strictly speaking, I think I'm best keeping the gym for weights, and the running for CV - as I really was flagging by the end - but oh dear, that was better.

I couldn't face getting back into tights and a sharp skirt suit* after my workout, so froze to death walking round Sainsbury's in my jogging bottoms and sleeveless top...

* which I can now wear with confidence for the first time since July 2003

Running, facials and thunder

- all in one evening, although not all at once!

To Wymondham for a run with Kim. It had been a beautiful day, and when we set out it was very warm but lovely running round the town. Took a route that was probably a little under two miles, as we needed to get back, changed and out again quickly (see below), but I was glad to feel that the pace was comfortable, and that I was - as the Reebok site has it - "running easy". This is a good feeling.

A rapid wash, change and meal before going to a demonstration of Aloe Vera products in a beauty salon in the town. It's hard not to sound bigheaded (but you're used to that by now) when I say that I was thrilled to be pointed out by Kim, during more than one conversation she was having during the evening, as an example of a success story for personal training! Confidence in what I was wearing (pillar-box red skirt, stripy t-shirt & cardigan - yes, from East again) is a feeling that takes some getting used to, too. It's another world.

Whilst we were in the salon, the heavens had opened; and by the time we were back at her flat for a cup of tea before I went home, the storm had started in earnest. Happily, we both rather like thunderstorms, and sitting in her kitchen by candlelight, watching forked lightning on both sides of the house and listening to the torrential downpour, was a good place to be. Driving home up the A11 wasn't so much fun, though...

Hats off

I just got back from an afternoon's garden party in Caister with the Norwich chapter of the Red Hats Society. You can read more about them, and their superb attitude to life, at their own blog here.

But the dress code is very specific. The ladies who have passed their 50th birthday must dress in purple with a red hat; those younger should wear lilac with a pink hat. (Actually, my outfit was in that sense back-to-front, but hey.) I was delighted to find this great Kaliko trouser-suit in the Oxfam charity shop in Magdalene Street in Norwich a few weeks ago, and it was perfect for the occasion.

I got Selwyn to take a photograph of me on my arrival home, before I got changed, and can't resist another bit of celebration (OK, boasting). That "before" photo, used full-length, makes a great contrast - don't you think?

A surprise

I've been accustomed for the last couple of weeks to seeing a fairly consistent 147-148 lb on the scales. I suppose I wanted to see whether the lifestyle (food, exercise etc.) was balanced right to keep the weight around the same without thinking about it too much, and that seems to be the case.

However, yesterday I did quite a lot of walking (retail therapy in Norwich!) followed by a visit to the gym. It wasn't quite the full workout (it was so hot that I have to admit to omitting my usual half-hour on the treadmill & Nautilus) but 5 minutes each on bike and rower to warm up followed by an hour's weights.

And this morning I was not a little startled when the scales registered 145.5 lb... Given that yesterday I was actually slightly disheartened by the fact that in stores like Zara I'm clearly still a Large (anything size 12 and upwards seems to be Large in their book), this was a very welcome boost to the morale. (A visit to East, who do the complete reverse and are very generous with their sizes, restores faith. Honestly - doesn't it just go to show how nonsensical it is to be bothered by such things at all?!!)

This week's progress: 3

Yesterday was Thursday - day off. Selwyn & I went into Norwich to see a lunchtime concert at the King of Hearts arts centre - click here to read more about that - and then, well, I needed some new underwear! As you do... With the help of the nice lady in M&S, we came to the conclusion that I'm now a 34F - had been as high as a 36G - so bought the first genuinely pretty bits of underwear that I've owned in years.

No, I'm not about to publish photographic evidence in the public domain - the sight of the Rector's wife in her knickers might be just a bit too much to handle...

... oh, but I suppose I must also admit to another visit to East, and to the purchase of a pillar-box-red, flared summer skirt. I know East are generous with their sizes, but when I was trying on the size 12, the saleslady looked at me and said "are you sure you don't want to go down a size?" (my husband's comment to her was "you get today's gold star"); and yes, the 10 won hands-down. I hasten to add that an East 10 is definitely an any-other-shop 12; but it does the ego loads of good!

So long, sixteen - farewell, fourteen...

... well, some fourteens, anyway!

Having spent a very long time in the 14-16 size bracket, I was not a little thrilled to arrive home after some retail therapy in Norwich with a new skirt and some new t-shirts - all size twelve. A combination of M&S, Debenhams and Gap (well, the Gap ones were a Medium, but hey). When I tried on the cute turquoise summer skirt (not an elasticated waist, either) in Debenhams, I held my breath as I did up the zip, preparing to return for the 14; and nearly died of shock when the 12 proved to be the right fit.

OK, so there are some makes which still class me as a 14 - a rather good denim jacket bought on e-bay a week or two back is a Per Una 12, and definitely won't be a good fit for at least another half-stone - but oh boy, did that feel good.

A new look (for blog, for me)

Hope you like the new design - I was getting a bit tired of the soft pinky colours, which were really not me at all! (Thanks to one of my favourite blogs, Lorna's Thunks, I twigged that you don't have to accept all the default settings - there's loads you can do to personalise your blog.) I found the fabulous little cartoon on the internet - before anybody thinks I've turned into Betty Boop, it's not meant to be taken terribly seriously... I couldn't find a cartoon I liked of somebody running or working out!

Oh, and while I'm at it, I've created a new blog. Starting this process at the age of 44, I enjoy noticing the achievements of folks who are older (or younger) than you'd expect for those activities; so Tolstoy's Bicycle (read the blog to understand the title!) has been set up to celebrate them - I hope you enjoy it. (Let me know if you have any contributions, too.)

I was dressed up to go out for an Evening of Divine Trinkets (I kid you not) in Norwich (run by my friend Claire Bunton), and had chosen that red top again (together with my favourite strawberry necklace & bracelet from East). I suppose I'm getting vain (am I forgiven after years of loathing the camera?), but the webcam photo I took - hey, cheekbones, welcome back! - pleased me so much that it's become my new profile photo. (I add it here too as the profile photo will probably change again before long...)

Feeling gorgeous

Remember the red top from East?

Tonight we went over the road to our great local pub, the Parson Woodforde, for an end-of-Holy-Week meal. (Interesting that I didn't feel the need to finish everything on the plate.) I dress in said red top, and a great black skirt with a very flirty hem which I bought in Bolton back in January; the skirt is now a little too big on the waist (I had to undo it halfway through the evening before) and my husband is very appreciative of the red top (and comments that Dean [the pub landlord]) will be, too! Together with a fabulous strawberry necklace and bracelet (also from East) I feel better about my appearance than I have done for years. There is a waist appearing there.

Actually, I also like the (rather grainy) photo that I took of myself earlier this evening using the webcam. Yes, I know it isn't as smiley, but it's the way I've always wanted to see myself - just a bit elegant and possibly slightly mysterious? Any friends of mine will probably fall about laughing at that idea, but there you go...

Today we're off to Staithes, on the Yorkshire coast, for a brief break, so time for walks around ancient monuments and jogs down the beach. Never thought I'd see the day when my most vital bit of packing was my trainers and sports bazooka holders. See you in a week's time...

Great session: 30/03/2007

Thursday saw us taking another walk round Norwich. I wanted a water bottle and holder for use while jogging, and also found my own beanie hat: sugar pink. Kim will refuse to be seen out with me wearing it. It's even got a little tassel on the end.

On our way out of the sports store, I spotted the R4L t-shirts we'd wanted to get (the website for Reebok said they wouldn't be delivered until 1 May!). So I phoned Kim to check her size and got us one each - really pretty colour. (Mine is a standard t-shirt shape, Kim's is the vest type. Mine still has to cover up more than hers - bazooka holders or no...)

On a more elegant note, I also found (back in East - I really must stop going in there) the most gorgeous deep red crossover top. I think it looks sensational. It's a long time since I've thought that about any item of clothing on me.

Friday took me back to the gym for a PT session with Kim, and it was invigorating. I am starting to feel genuinely energised by the sessions, and when at one point we moved from the downstairs area to upstairs, I surprised myself by running up the stairs... We did a step test, which was a killer - but principally because it was one step higher than the last time I tried it!

Kim wanted a photo of herself to put on her R4L sponsorship page, so I was happy to oblige, using the mobile. Action shot!

Oh, and one more thing... I found a brilliant book on Amazon, which I think is going to a great inspiration and help. If you're looking for simple guidelines and real inspiration, have a look at Running Made Easy here. (When I told Kim about it, her reaction was "And you've bought it? And you've read it?" When I said "yes, and it's brilliant" she started bouncing around the gym as I was cycling my warmup, singing "Cassie's going to be a runner...")

Sports gear - me?: 23/03/2007

After working with one of my computer training clients in the morning, I paid a visit to JJB sports again - this time for my jogging trainers. Oh, and whilst I was there, my bazooka holders - that's sports bra to the uninitiated - and, well, a couple of t-shirts and a bright frog green hoodie - well, they've got to be able to see me coming...

The sports bra is brilliant - Kim finds it hard to understand (being somewhat less endowed than me) just how much of a pain (literally) it is to have big boobs. They really are not all they're cracked up to be. They come into the room first, give all sorts of preconceptions about your personality, and even when I was at my very lightest back in 1997 - 133 lb - I was still a 34DD!! Being able to jog without getting a black eye is simply brilliant. And I love the trainers, too - New Balance. The JJB shop assistant was so helpful, too; we find that the Norwich shop assistants usually are. When I told him that this was my first ever set of running shoes, and what it was for, he told me that his girlfriend was doing it too.

To the gym in the afternoon. Kim's changed my routine several times, and I'm now using the rowing machine as part of the warmup - something else that I'd always avoided before, being afraid that my back wouldn't cope, but it seems fine. When I use the Nautilus now, I need to take the speed up to beyond 5 km/hr to get the HR up to the required 127-133 range; when I started, 3.2 km/hr was enough. We're obviously making progress!

PS: Tonight's glittering social occasion was the annual (and hotly contested) Swannington Quiz & Chips evening. I realised that my main problem on such occasions was not so much the fish & chips (I'd already resolved to have my usual one glass of wine, and [with the help of a bottle of mineral water] happily stuck to that resolution - I felt I could allow myself a meal like this occasionally!) but the things to nibble at whilst one is considering the answers to quiz questions. Take those Pringles away!

So I chopped up some celery, peppers and carrots, bought a jar of very yummy tomato salsa (about 100 calories even if I'd polished off the whole jar alone) and it did the job beautifully. I just kept the nosebag on throughout the questions, but everybody else loved them too - perhaps I've started something...

I think it's called behaviour modification. Or common sense. Or something.

Retail therapy: 01/02/2007

This is Thursday, hence our "weekend", and we go into the Big City (Norwich) for some time out, and some retail therapy. Well, if you take up a new interest, you go spend money on it...

actually, I'm really excited about all this. I've bought myself a heart rate monitor - a Polar T31 - and discovered the joys of JJB Sports (nice big branch at the Riverside development on the east of Norwich) into the bargain... We have also dug out a couple of little pedometers that I've had for ages (one from Tchibo, one free with a breakfast cereal), and we wear them around Norwich; but we come to the conclusion that they're not very accurate - they're counting about twice as many steps as we're actually doing!

Nonetheless, a day out in Norwich (with more hills than Norfolk is renowned for), including the not inconsiderable distance to the car park on the far north of the city, gives us a reasonable workout. My darling husband would have the right to complain a lot more about this than he does - given that he's a beanpole who doesn't need to lose weight...

The other bit of retail therapy is getting sidetracked by East - the lovely clothes store. We're due to go to the wedding* of our friends Ellis & Claire in ten days' time, so the beautiful green linen trouser suit that I find in there is perfect - and I have to say, I think matters around my hips are looking just a wee bit better already...

*(the wedding can be seen here)