Getting something right

I don't write on this blog all that often these days. I'm thrilled to have reached an appropriate weight for my height and build after years of struggle (currently 143 lb - 10 stone 3) and am working hard now on the fitness, nutrition and maintenance aspects.

However, I wanted to flag up a recent milestone and hope it's helpful and useful to others.

I have just returned from a wonderful health & fitness weekend with the splendid Mother Nature's Diet community. We had the opportunity to use one of those full-body-analysis scales. The last time I used one of those was on my first day at the Obsidian health resort (sadly this has since gone out of business), where my journey back to health began.

I looked out the printout from the start of my stay at Obsidian, 4 June 2014. The measurements aren't quite as detailed as the present set (taken 6 November 2016), but they are still telling.

• Body fat was 42.8% - now 32.4%
• Visceral fat was 10 - now 6.5
• BMI was 30.1 - now 24.2
• Metabolic age was 66 (I was 51) - now 45 (I'm nearly 54)! So I've gone from being 15 years older than my real age to almost 9 years younger.

Yes, I'm very proud of all that I've achieved. However, I would never have managed it without the generous support and encouragement of countless professionals, friends and family, who have been there for me throughout, and in many cases continue to be so. Here are a few of the professionals:

My counsellor at Obsidian who helped me to deal with the demons that had been holding me back for many years, and in effect opened the door: Marco Silva of Factor Vida.

The friend and professional colleague who introduced me to Obsidian and encouraged me to take that first step: Debi Haden.

Most recently, and making a huge impact on my life: the magnificent Karl Whitfield of Mother Nature's Diet, and all the fabulous people who are members of that community.

It can be done. Look around for the help and then accept it. Find your 'tribe'. Listen. Keep an open mind. Share. Contribute. This is, as another inspiring lady (the wonderful Kath Temple) puts it, "one wild and precious life".

Yes, I'm delighted that I look better now. But of far more importance is the health: the reduced risk of heart disease and various cancers, stacking the deck in my favour to achieve quality of life, however long it may be.

One year on

Apologies if this is just too smug... but I seriously need reminding sometimes of what the achievements are.

One year ago today, I had my first weight-in, measure-in, counselling session and juices at Obsidian.

With huge help and support from family and friends, and inspiration from other health and fitness experts, I've done what I set out to do. I've achieved a healthy BMI; I'm sub-ten-stone-seven for the first time in eight years; I'm a comfortable size 14 (sometimes nearer a 12, depending on the make); and bien dans ma peau in a way that I'd forgotten was possible.

My very heaviest weight was in fact two pounds higher than shown above, shortly before my visit to Spain, so:

• Weight dropped from 13-1 to 10-6.
• BMI has gone from just over 30 to just over 24.
• Waist measurement was 37.5", now 33.5".
• Widest part measurement was 45", now 40".
• Bust was (probably - I don't have a record) about 43", now 39".

My perception of what is 'normal' has changed for good.

Another look back

The scariest photos I've ever had taken were in March 2014 at a Conference that I attend annually - for apdo-uk (the Association of Professional Declutterers & Organisers). Yes, there really is such a thing. As a past President, founder member and, until recently, member of the Operations Team, I usually have some reason to stand on stage in front of my colleagues, and of course, there's no hiding from cameras.

This year I attended as usual, and for once I didn't have to be afraid of the camera. The lovely Alessandra took a long-overdue new mugshot for me to use on my business website, and I couldn't resist using it to create another 'before-and-after' collage:

I am so thankful to have found another way.

What's another year?

There are a couple of bits of software that appeal to my geek-who-curates tendencies. They look back at your postings in linked social media accounts, and remind you of what was going on x years ago. Momento is one; Timehop is the other.

There are also my own records. It won't surprise anyone who knows me to hear that I have a complete spreadsheet of weight and fitness records, going back nearly twenty years, to 1996. How sad is that?

19 February, 2014. A very brief posting to Facebook reads thus:

"Shit. Officially medically obese. Not good. #cupcakesorvalium"

This was the day that I recorded a weight of thirteen-stone-one-pound. At 5'5" tall, this pushed me into the 'obese' category when looking at BMI charts. Yes, I know that these don't take build into account (or, in my case, large mammaries); but as a rule, they're a pretty good indication.

My beloved friends were encouraging, practical, sympathetic and supportive by turns, and temporarily I felt a bit better. Why on earth I didn't take that as my wake-up call right then, I have no idea; the journey didn't start until my visit to Obsidian, nearly four months later.

Having achieved the sub-eleven-stone marker around about the time that we moved house (October 2014), I was simply very happy to have maintained that sort of weight through the move, Christmas, New Year, a holiday, my birthday, and lots more life.

However, having got the festive season out of the way, I've very gently refocused with a view to getting down to my target of ten-stone-seven. I've increased my walks-to-the-beach frequency, taken the alcohol down to one or two glasses a week, upped the vegetables, increased the breakfast juices / smoothies, and decreased the carbohydrate. I've continued to take inspiration and practical assistance from my experiences at Obsidian, and also from the superb Karl at Mother Nature's Diet; and to benefit from the support and encouragement of countless friends.

So on 19 February 2015, I'm logging a weight of ten-stone-nine. That's thirty-four pounds down from my heaviest weight, thirty-two from the start of my Obsidian visit. I've spent a bit of time this morning kicking out the last of my size sixteens, as well as a few more fit-but-don't-flatter items.

I need to remind myself from time to time of how far I've come. Just as it's virtually impossible to imagine being too cold when you're too hot, and vice versa, it's extraordinary how soon we forget the pain of being uncomfortable in our own skin.

The photographs below aren't quite representative of those dates; the one in the green dress (heaven knows how it survived the cull) was taken in August 2013 (so, scarily, not quite at my heaviest), and the 'after' photo was New Year 2014. I intend to get my husband to photograph me on 4 March, which will be nine months since my first Obsidian photo, to celebrate the actual milestones. But this will do for now.

It's not been a diet that I've now finished. It's been a lifestyle change that I still continue, because what is 'normal' is now different. 

That's why I have no fear of throwing out the size sixteens.

Three months on

In the last three months, I have:

• walked an average of just over 100K each month (4-5K most mornings)
• turned my eating plan upside down (have gone right off processed meat, eat virtually no red meat, poultry weekly, fish twice weekly, veggie the rest)
• removed caffeine completely - now on all herbal, fruit and redbush teas
• removed most dairy - now using soya milk and yogurt, and goat or feta cheese
• removed most gluten - eating very little bread, and using GF muesli, GF pasta
• juice for breakfast from Obsidian recipes most mornings - muesli and fruit if I'm in a real hurry

And these are the results. (Click on the photo for a closer look.)

(Same t-shirt but baggier! Jeans instead of the sloppy joe trousers, because they look better.)

I've lost 21 pounds. Still only about an inch from the waist, but three from the hips, and probably about two or three from the bust (that measurement wasn't taken in June, but I can guess from the clothes). I'm now fitting comfortably into size 14 rather than a tight 16 (although different stores have different ideas, of course) and have reclaimed a lot of my wardrobe.

I'm not quite done. My ideal weight, from a BMI point of view, at 5'5", is 10 stone 9. So that's where I aim to reach and settle.

My fabulous husband has been constantly supportive, eating the curious recipes I've dished up for him (actually, last night's quorn bolognese went down rather well), encouraging me with the exercise, helping me keep alcohol to a bare minimum. As a result, his own clothes are now fitting rather easier than they were too.

This is not (and really never has been) a 'diet'. It has been a genuine change to what I view as 'normal'. That's why the size 16s are not being kept 'just in case'.

I can never thank the good folks of Obsidian enough for setting me on a road that is - after 51 years - right for me.

The best of times, the worst of times

I'm updating this two months after my last posting. I'm filling in a few retrospective posts under the relevant dates over the next day or two.

Why the absence? Because it hasn't been a good time; there has been too much backsliding for my liking. Not enough running or gym sessions; episodes of depression that I thought had long gone; and, worst of all, weight gain. My last posting in "real time", on 22nd June, was followed by an insanely busy work and personal period - again - and I didn't manage one single exercise session until 11th July. Four runs and two gym sessions between that date and our holiday on 23rd July improved matters slightly. However...

I've just been brave and updated my "this is now" photo and weight. This morning I weighed in at 152; on our return from our holiday last weekend, it was 154. Not surprisingly, I wasn't going to admit to that. Careful scrutiny of this blog (as if anybody else was going to scrutinise it except me!) will show that in July 2007, it was down as low as 145; spent a while at 147; then settled at 149 for several months.

So it's interesting to see that my definition of "backsliding" is still a lot less drastic than it would have been, pre-January 2007. If I take my lowest "constant" weight as 149, it's a weight gain of 5lb at worst, and is now back on its way down. I know that some clothes are tighter than they were, and there's no denying that the photos at the August 2007 Wroxham 5K were a lot closer to the way I really want to be; but compared to the start of this journey in January 2007, there's still a much fitter, healthier and slimmer person here.

More importantly, the exercise is still a very permanent part of my life. Apart from the disastrous time in June-July described above, I've managed to keep an average of at least 2 sessions per week, every week - even when on holiday. [Since we got back, I've done 6 sessions (including last night's race) in 7 days.] A session might be a run (1.75 miles to Morton and back being the most common), an hour's weights, or 45 minutes CV on machines at the gym. And, hand on heart, it's not a duty or a chore, but genuinely where I want to be - especially when I remember how quickly the black dog returns when I don't keep him at bay.

Yesterday I ran 5K in 31:45. Our training run the day before was achieved at a pace of 10:00. In May 2007 I'd never have believed either were possible - I had run 5K in 39 minutes, and my average training pace was around 11:00. Now the next target is in sight: the Cancer Research 10K at Sandringham, Sunday 28th September.

I hadn't even started to ask people for sponsorship - I was so terrified I wouldn't be able to do it. Now I know I can, and one of my tasks over the weekend is to start emailing all and sundry to ask them for their faith and their money again.

Not only am I back, but I'm relieved to know that in real terms I've never been away. I might not have been firing on all cylinders, but I have managed to stick with my favourite mantra: Half-Assed Is Good Enough.

PS: One more resolution. I've just been looking back for references to weight in diaries and blog, and realise that between April and August this year, I didn't say a word. In April I was 149; in August I peaked at 154. No prizes for guessing what was going on there: a little thing called being in denial. Records of weight each Sunday recommence from now so it can't happen again.

Being honest

I realised that my "this is now" photo hadn't been changed since December, so a quick mess around with the webcam and came up with a new one. (Adding it here for posterity as I know it will change again soon!)



What did bother me was my report on weight: given that I did get as low as 145 lb last year (although to be fair, that didn't last for very long), and my pretty constant weight has been 147 since about last summer, it hurts a bit to admit to being 149 this morning.

However... like most holiday times, it had, about ten days ago, been up to (aargh!) about 151 until I got back into a routine (I keep quiet about this, natch - wouldn't you?) - the same thing happened when we got back from France last September. So I'll try not to panic, keep a close eye on the food for a few days, and endeavour to get it back down ASAP.

PS: Having just checked out that entry above, I'm mildly depressed to see that I'd set myself a target which I'd then conveniently ignored: get down to 139 in order to leave the 140s behind. Hmm. Do I let this worry me and refocus? Probably not a bad idea.

PPS: Mind you, it was encouraging that one of my business colleagues, at a networking meeting today, thought I'd lost more weight!

Another nice compliment...

... I was contacted by a journalist who said "I've been looking for a dieter whose blog helps her lose weight (who's aged between 25 and 35), so I thought you'd be perfect!" I phoned her and explained that as I turn 45 in January, I'm a bit old for what she wants... I can live with that.

The best compliment

Gym session (Kim & I are doing our best to include one a week for strength training). Girl at desk takes my card, swipes it, hands it back. As I go to walk away, she asks "What's your name?" "Cassie Tillett." She frowns at the screen in front of her, and says "That's the name I've got here, but it doesn't look like you in the photo..."

I peered over the desk and confirmed that it was indeed me, 20 lb heavier. She said "That's amazing. I was going to ask you if you'd borrowed your mother's membership card..."

Progress reminder

Left to right:

• 4th March 2006: as Carlotta in a concert version of Sondheim's Follies
• 2nd October 2006: appeared on this blog loads of times - almost exactly a year ago. Taken at my parents' 50th wedding anniversary weekend.
• 29th September 2007: yesterday, after a Red Hat coffee morning

Forgive me, but it's sometimes a good idea to remind myself where I'm not going back to.

Oh, vanity, vanity...

A me-day

... with my darling husband's encouragement!

Into Norwich, principally to see the (excellent) production of Private Lives at the Maddermarket in the evening. I also managed to book, much to my relief, to have my hair done - as I'm trying to grow it a bit, it needs attention so I don't finish up too wild-woman-of-Borneo, and five weeks felt like a long time!

We then got sidetracked by the ever-tempting East (not to mention their new-season-mailing-list-discount), and a new dress in Wallis. Which I changed into for our visit to the theatre (I'd managed to spill lunch on the top I started off wearing!), and still found hard to believe it was me in a size 12. OK, Wallis are generous with their sizes - don't spoil it for me! Here's a quick webcam shot of the haircut and the dress - although it was very much an end-of-day tired look by this time...

More about age

It's all Crabby McSlacker's fault. She wrote one of her excellent blogs a few days ago which included a link to an extraordinary parlour game: guess how old I am?!

Now, Crabby accuses some of the participants of fishing for compliments, and I have to hold up my hands and admit to being one of those. I've generally been told that I'm not bad for my age, and since the recent weight loss, have had some gratifyingly pleasing comments along the lines of you're HOW old? Never... (I've also had somebody look at my before-and-after photos on the right hand side of this blog, and ask in all seriousness if the earlier photo is of my mother.)

This being the case, I couldn't resist joining in with this slightly daft - not to say narcissistic - idea. And no, I'm not going to tell you the results - you'll just have to go and have a look for yourself. Scroll down to the foot of the page to see the present average guess, and follow the link to have a go. And upload your own photo if you're feeling brave.

I'm ready for my close-up

Another self-indulgent bit of comparison. Our lovely friends from Chimes Musical Theatre came to help us fund-raise for Weston Longville church, lending their beautiful voices and musical talent to a fabulous evening. You can see a bit more about the concert here.

However, I can't help but be pleased (and relieved) that my bit of the group photo this year is easier to cope with than the photo taken at the equivalent event almost exactly a year ago. Frankly, the bazookas were on their way to my knees at that point.

Scary photos

As you'll have seen, I've been thoroughly narcissistic on this blog. I've been gradually gathering photos from throughout my 44 years, and it's been interesting to see how the physique is different now from at any time in the past.

I came across a couple of photos today which make scary viewing.



I actually dug them out because I wanted to show my hairdresser the way my hair behaved when it was long: straight on top, but with bizarre curls underneath, and incredibly thick and heavy. I asked Emma how old she thought I was in this photo. "About thirteen?" she suggested. Actually, the yellow tie marks me out as being in the sixth form, and therefore at least seventeen. Zits, a round face and no sense of style.

This one is even more worrying.



Taken during my first year or so at college, and hence round about nineteen years old; I know from diaries that I didn't weigh much over nine stone in those days, but just look at the round face. No cheekbones in evidence there.

I really hope I've improved in the last 25 years...

You think I'm silly 'cos I'm daft

- as my dad puts it.

I really wanted a run today; I'd done no exercise yesterday, and having faithfully promised myself that I'd do a session of "real" exercise - by which I mean either a run of two miles or more, or a full session at the gym - at least every other day, that was today's aim.

It's filthy weather today; we got back from church this morning, and it was a steady drizzle that gradually got heavier. If I hadn't so much to do at home I'd've gone to the gym, but taking two hours out at that point wasn't on; so I ran in the rain. And actually, really enjoyed it. The prospect of a hot shower when I got back, the fact that it wasn't cold, I was under trees for much of the time anyway, and the satisfaction of doing the mile from here to Morton in nine minutes - a fair bit faster than last time, it's usually more like ten - made it worthwhile.

Not recommended for your vanity, though...



PS: this morning I weighed in at 148 lb (10 stone 8). That's nineteen pounds in as many weeks; seeing my starting weight of 167 lb is frightening now - and there ain't no way I'm ever going back there again. And I can't resist adding a photo of myself at 167 lb (taken in October 2006) as comparison with the soggy, un-made-up, but infinitely healthier photo above.

Good run

Kim came over for our getting-to-be-regular fortnightly run together (I hasten to add that I'm exercising alone too!). I was very, very pleased that my pace seems to be increasing a little, and it's been a while since I experienced really painful calves or thighs during a run; it's starting to feel natural. Only a mile down to Morton Hall and a mile back, but it feels great. Lots of gossip and supper afterwards.

Over supper, we got on to telling stories - and showing photographs - of the time that Selwyn & I visited friends in Florida, back in 2002. I was interested, and slightly shocked, to see that, whilst I was actually a few pounds lighter than I am now, my shape was completely different; and I still wasn't confident enough to wear anything that fitted me closely.



Here I am with our lovely friends Warner & Lois from Mount Dora, near Orlando, with Warner's sister Char standing behind (I might add that Char was over eighty at the time - what a great lady!). I'd managed to get down to a respectable not-much-over-ten-stone, if memory serves me right; so why was I wearing a baggy t-shirt and baggy shorts and very baggy cover-all shirt?

It's not a problem now... (revisit this entry for evidence!)

Meet Zara: 25/02/2007

This has been an interesting week for Kim!

First, she's reviewed my targets; is delighted at my progress; slightly increased my target HR to 127, but also we're building in some increased intensity for short periods.

During some of our chats, I corpsed her completely by telling her about some of my un-rector's-wifely behaviour on stage in the past, and emailing her one of my favourite characters. Meet Zara, Queen of the Zonkers... I played Zara in an adult pantomime back in 1995 (yes, around the time that I married my clerical husband - he thought it was hilarious). I'm fond of this photo, partly because of the happy memories it brings back of some very silly pantomime performances, but also because the figure has improved since then... this is thunderthighs time!! As Kim emailed me back, "I'm now seeing you in a completely different light..." (wait till I show her the video!). She's been calling me Zara ever since.

Anyway, during this week, since our session on Monday I've managed two solo gym sessions (Wednesday and Saturday), plus a walk down to Morton Hall (in the dark, and with my dear husband in tow - we had a rehearsal down there for the scratch choir that's providing the music for our Good Friday service).

The background: 1997-2007

It was a holiday that started the rot. From November 1996 to Easter 1997, I kept at my 133lb (9-7) weight, and was very happy with it. Then our Easter break was taken in a nice hotel, with three-course meals and a bottle of wine every night, teacakes with hot chocolate during our days out... and I came home half a stone heavier. Why I didn't just take myself in hand then, I can't imagine - but I didn't. I panicked. The weight came back on, and came off, and went back on, and I didn't fit into my clothes any more... any of this sound familiar??

By November 1999, I was back up to 152 (10-12). So I lost weight, and got down to 142. And what happened next? Just look at the chart... The peaks got higher and higher, and see that green line? that's where somebody of my height is classified as Obese. The blue line is the top of the Normal range. So the bit between the two, for my height, is the Overweight range.

It's when I realised that on my last "attempt" I hadn't even got down to the Normal range that something was going wrong; and it was seeing that Obese green line creeping closer that shocked me into real action. Here I am at my parents' 50th wedding anniversary in October 2006, and by this time - weighing in at my highest ever of 167lb (11-13, teetering on the brink of yet another stone overweight) I really was extremely tired of constantly wearing cover-up.

Ten years of classic yo-yo dieting obviously hadn't done the trick. I needed to call in the cavalry.

The background: 1992-1996

I remarried in 1995. At that time, I was falling prey to the classic "eat-because-I'm-happy" syndrome. We had lots of meals out, lots of wine, and the weight climbed. Note the carefully unshaped wedding dress.

Finally, in May 1996, I reached a (then) all-time-high of 158lb (11-4), and with it the all-time-low of depression. I decided to do something about it.

I started to walk round the park behind our house; to "stretch" (following some simple exercises from one of the books by she-who-must-be-obeyed, Rosemary Conley) most mornings; and to follow a careful diet.

It worked. By Christmas 1996, I had achieved 133lb (9-7), was wearing a size 12, and had a waist for the first time ever.

Weirdly, I can find hardly any photographs of myself at this time. You'd think that I'd have been out posing for every camera in sight. The only shots I can find at this time show, at least, that I had cheekbones for the first time, too - and that I still couldn't get used to the fact that I didn't need to hide the figure any longer.

The background: 1984-1992

I don't remember being particularly aware of my appearance when I was in my twenties; I just thought of myself as sort of plump, nothing out of the ordinary, neither ugly nor beautiful, neither fat nor slim.

I married for the first time in 1987 (here I am with my lovely dad, heading for the church), and I know I lost about a stone, getting down from 10-7 to 9-7 for the wedding. Exercise didn't come into it - this was all done by undereating. I remember it partly involved a fruit diet which cut out everything but fruit for the first week. Not surprisingly, the weight all went back on the minute we returned from honeymoon.