The results so far

And what difference has all this made?

30th August: weight 171 lb (12-3). BP 137/106. 42"-37"-44"*

6th October: weight 166 lb (11-12). BP 117/88. 42"-36.5"-43"*

* (bust-waist-hips)

Five pounds down. One pound each week. Feeling better. Quiet. Managing. Not panicking.

I still miss my running dreadfully. But this hasn't really, in the end, been about that. It's been about unpicking some truly ridiculous behaviours and self-image which have been with me for forty-seven years, and finally addressing them in a way that is appropriate, healthy and right for me.

I always knew the value of NLP and cognitive behavioural therapy. But I haven't experienced it in such a specific and powerful way before.

Thanks to Jason, Clare, my darling husband, Kim, and all the friends and fellow fitness enthusiasts that have continued to put up with me.

Stay with me.

Food

So how am I doing? Over the last five weeks:

• For several evenings in a row, my one glass of wine with my evening meal would be left half-drunk. My husband has now started pouring me a half-glass, and I'm quite happy with this. I can always have some more if I want it.
• I'm eating much, much more slowly. Most of the time, eating at home, yes, I usually do clear my plate still; but it takes much longer. Sometimes I'll leave some and come back to it ten minutes later.
• More than once in restaurants recently I have been faced with far more food than I want (or would have served myself) and have left the extra. [Just today, eating in a pub, I decided to treat myself to one of my favourites - an Eton Mess - and managed about three spoonfuls of the creamy concoction before I gave up and left it.]
• I've attended three different social or networking events where cakes were provided, and I haven't had one. These aren't just ordinary cake, but extremely delicious looking home-baked cupcakes or chocolate brownies. Anyone who knows me will realise that this last, particularly, is enough to prompt the question "Are you quite alright?".

... next post ...

Hypnotherapy

Jason mentioned on his website the technique of a 'virtual gastric band'. I knew instantly that this approach was not for me. I have real trouble coping with the idea of anybody having such an invasive surgical procedure except in cases of really desperate medical emergency; I would never countenance such a thing for somebody like myself, who is in no sense obese (although may psychologically feel that way at times). So to have hypnotherapy to make me think this procedure had been done ran counter to all my requirements for myself. What I wanted was a greater sense of strength and purpose for myself, my health, my lifestyle; a more realistic approach to who I am and who I could be.

Much to my relief, Jason completely understood this, and was perfectly happy to work with my particular view of the universe. We have had three sessions; my final one in the series is booked for this coming Saturday.

During this time, we've used a combination of hypnotherapy and NLP (NeuroLinguistic Programming) techniques to address some of the unwanted behaviours I've been struggling with for so long. The primary issues we've worked on have been

• my use of food to represent sharing, giving, community
• my inability to leave food & drink when I don't want any more
• my view of my own body

The last one was particularly interesting. I realised, during one conversation, that my view of my physical body was precisely the same now - weighing around twelve stone - as it was when I was eighteen years old, weighing three stone less. Which is perfectly ridiculous. My self image was identical thirty years ago to what it is now: overweight-clown-make-'em-laugh-big-tits. I always wanted to be elegant, poised, glamorous. I wanted to be like Helen Mirren, and I felt more like Barbara Windsor.

... next post ...

A guide to healthy eating

Thanks loads to PastaQueen for putting me on to this wonderful cartoon. I think I'd move the easy & untasty three upwards - I happen to like them - but otherwise I couldn't agree more.

It comes from the awesome xkcd.com ("A webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language"). Apart from the math, sounds like my kinda guy.

It's going to be OK

My lovely mum & dad, with best beloved husband in the mad red shirt, over our non-traditional lamb Christmas dinner

It's been over a fortnight since any activity - blog, gym or otherwise. At this time of year, that's not really surprising - although I have been surprised by my "green-eyed monster" reaction to some folk I saw out running over the Christmas period. I so wanted to be doing the same.

Food, drink, chocolate (have you tried the Lindt Dark Chocolate Lindor???)... no activity... asking for trouble. And when I checked the other day - I'm still 147 lb. Hey, must be something wrong with the scales!

So on today's gym visit, I checked on their scales - and it's absolutely right. My weight hasn't moved from 147 lb since July - apart from a brief dip to 145 lb back in the summer, and a scary elevation to 150 lb after our holiday in France, both of which were very short-lived. Phew.

Anyway, the gym was a much-needed relief. Ten minutes each on bike, rower, cross-trainer, walking on the Nautilus (fancy treadmill) and back to the bike; then 20 minutes of weights. The ankle felt a bit sore after the Nautilus, so it's clearly not ready for much of that sort of action yet (I was looking longingly at the treadmill and wondering do I dare try to run a mile?...) but I was surprised at how quickly it recovered after I moved onto the weights.

Kim is back from her Christmas in Spain, and we've promised to manage at least 2 sessions a week at the gym. I've a fortnight for that, then we're off to see friends in Bolton for our post-Christmas break (which is always serious Rest, Recuperation and Retail Therapy - not to mention Repasts), so hope to be able to run even a tiny bit during that week.

A mile at a time wouldn't be asking too much, would it?

Just 11 minutes or so? ?

Please???

Round and round the ... lake

A trip to the post office in Lenwade was required, so I took the opportunity to take in a run. 5 laps, one break, 5 laps; 0.44 miles per lap. Always rougher going - not hilly, but bumpy paths, potholes and other hazards - so it was harder to get into rhythm. But doing 4.4 miles in 48:15 (plus the 4 minute break) wasn't bad. Still amusing the fishermen and dog-walkers with my antics.

Was glad to have made the investment when we got to the village quiz night that evening to find giant chocolate bars and bags of Kettle Chips on each table...

An unfit week

(Note: this bit of blogging is about how I coped, or didn't, with my fitness and eating whilst we were having a fabulous holiday in France. Ignore the pessimistic digs on this blog about calories and feeling unfit - it really was a brilliant fortnight. For a few selected photos of our wonderful wanderings, click here.)

I spent most of the week after the Wroxham 5K feeling nothing whatever like a fit person. An insane amount of travelling across the Friday and Saturday (driving from Norfolk to Kent, a route involving the M25, on a bank holiday weekend not being something I'd recommend); a crossing through the Chunnel on the Saturday that was delayed by a couple of hours (BH weekend again); and 330 miles to drive once we actually hit France, meaning that we arrived at around 10:30 pm.

By this time, my old hamstring-and-hip problems were kicking in big time, aided by the preceding weeks of work at the PC. To my irritation, my left foot (there's a book in there somewhere) joined in, with a sharp pain as I walked - even now I have no idea what all that was about.

Our village was a beautiful, quiet little place, and the gite was great. I'd jokingly said "I'll jog to the bakery for the breakfast each morning" and I did - but it was such a tiny distance to be non-existent. And the foot hurt. And no way would the sixty seconds' worth of distance run (which is about what it was) have compensated for the croissants / pain au chocolat / brioche / Danish pastries that were usually consumed on my return.

Finally, a week after the race, I very gingerly set out for a very slow run, which I estimate was a bit over a mile in total, down to the chateau at the end of the village and back. Sore ham, hip and foot. Hmm.

Meantime, we were enjoying the sort of activities one does in France. Smorgasbord - bread, cheese, pate; wine tasting; biscuits; Nutella... Any thoughts where this might be going?

Happy to be home

Back late last night after four days in London. As a business trip, it was more of a success than I'd feared, much to my relief. Lovely to see my parents, and the clients, who I really enjoy working with. But I could feel the stress levels subsiding as the train got out of Liverpool Street, crossed into Essex, and I could see fields again... am I turning into a country girl? I was born and raised in East London, for goodness' sake!

However, as I've mentioned before, a visit to London always bumps up the step count on the pedometer. A day at home in front of the PC will yield less than 2,000 steps; if I go out for a run or to the gym, it's 5-6,000. On Tuesday, it was over 15,000 steps. This included running from my mum & dad's home to the tube station - about 1.3 miles, which took me about 15 minutes (rucksack on back containing office clothes, shoes, book etc.). And I walked the same distance back in the evening.

During the day, of course, I was going back and forth between various places in the office, and out onto the oh-too-distracting High Street Kensington at lunchtime... I bought a lovely skirt and top from M&S, both size 12 (hooray!) and felt happy with what I saw in the mirror. It does still take some getting used to.

I probably ate a bit more than I normally do. My dad's excellent fruit salad breakfast, with plenty of plain yogurt & cereal; sandwich-yogurt-fruit lunch; mum's great cooking (healthy and generous) for dinner. Oh, and another yogurt with muesli & honey when I got into the office after my run - I felt I needed the fuel... And I was clearly right - the metabolism seems to be doing its stuff: this morning I was under 145 lb (OK, so it was only by a quarter-pound, but seeing the scales reading 10 stone 4 anything was a huge boost!).

PS: reading this back - is there a Yogurt-Eaters-Anonymous group?!

A dream of Fitzbillies came true

I was joking when I included this post a few days ago.

Today's visitor - a friend of my husband's from Cambridge University days - came to us (on his bike! very intrepid)* after attending a Cambridge "do" at the weekend, and as his gift to us brought... a box of Fitzbillies Chelsea Buns...

It's now even more imperative that I do that run today!!

As they say, be careful what you wish for. You just might get it.

* I later discovered that the journey was done by train from Cambridge to Wymondham, and he cycled to us from there. Still fairly impressive, Andrew!

And God created...

Sorry, but I just had to include this - arrived by email in the usual way...

Nutrition

In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Ice Cream and Magnums.

And Satan said, 'You want hot fudge with that?

And Man said, 'Yes!'

And Woman said, 'I'll have one too with chocolate chips'.

And lo, they gained 10 pounds.

And God created the healthy yoghurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them.

And Woman went from size 12 to size 14.

So God said, 'Try my fresh green salad'.

And Satan presented Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side.

And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, 'I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them'.

And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped lobster chunks and chicken fried steak, so big it needed its own platter.

And Man's cholesterol went through the roof.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition.

Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt.

And Man put on more pounds.

God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds.

And Satan came forth with a cable T.V. with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels.

And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.

Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.

And Satan created McDonalds and the 99p double cheeseburger.

Then Satan said, 'You want fries with that?' and Man replied,

'Yes. And super size 'em'.

And Satan said, 'It is good.' And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed. And created quadruple by-pass surgery.

And then Satan chuckled, and created the National Health Service.

Progress: a celebration

Yesterday saw my first gym session with Kim for a couple of weeks: we were booked to meet on Sunday, but she wasn't well. Yes, I should have gone and done the session on my own, but it was a roasting hot day; I had a car full of shopping, including ice-cream (Skinny Cow, I'll have you know!); and a mountain of work to do... (I did make up for it by having a run on Monday, honest. Kim said that melting ice-cream was the worst excuse she'd ever heard for not doing a workout, and that she'd better come and help me eat it.)

Anyway, we had a great session (followed by supper back at the Rectory). We updated all my statistics, and I can't resist bragging about them here.

When I started this journey - twenty weeks ago, on 14th January - I weighed 167 lb. Just under two weeks after that, I worked with Kim for the first time, weighing in at 164 lb, and we started calibrating not just weight but (more importantly) measurements, body fat, blood pressure and the rest. In those 18 weeks, these have changed in these ways.

• Weight: 164 (previously 167) down to 147 lb
  
• BP: 144/101 down to 127/95 (sometimes as low as 122/80)
  
• Body fat: 38.6% down to 35.3%
• BMI: 27.3 down to 24.5

• Hips: 111 cm to 103 cm (-8 cm)
• Waist: 89 cm to 85 cm (-4 cm)
• Bust: 104 cm to 96 cm (-8 cm)
• Left arm: 28.5 cm to 27 cm (-1.5 cm)
• Right arm: 29 cm to 26.5 cm (-2.5 cm)
• Left thigh: 58 cm to 54 cm (-4 cm)
• Right thigh: 58 cm to 53 cm (-5 cm)

My dress size has decreased from bordering on a 16 to a 12-14, depending on the make (usually a 12). Kayla, my beautician, has seen me about once every 5-6 weeks during this process, so she sees the more startling changes; she commented yesterday that I "look much younger", and my skin is in much better condition.

I'm eating absolutely normally: three square meals a day, with no more limitation than a bit of portion awareness, limiting the alcohol to one drink per day, and avoiding the obvious pitfalls like overloads of cheese and butter. Breakfast is a decent portion of muesli (Dorset Cereals - the best) with fruit and home-made plain yogurt. Lunch is usually soup or salad with a slice of bread (home-made again - get out that gingham pinny!!). Supper is a sensible amount of carb (pasta, rice, couscous, spuds), a lump of protein, a fair spread of vegetables or salad; a glass of wine, and some combination of ice-cream (I love Skinny Cow Madly Deeply - a vanilla & chocolate mix, with bits of Malteser in it!), yogurt and fruit for dessert. Generally my cooking is fairly low-fat, but if a recipe desperately needs a splash of oil or a drop of butter, I don't panic about it. My snacks are mostly fruit or Ryvita. I love my food too much to do it any other way (and get far too hungry if I cut out carbohydrate).

It's true to say that the weight is no longer terribly important. If I can reach:

• the waist measurement I'd like (about 80 cm - halfway there at present)
• the ideal body fat percentage (apparently the healthy range for my age is 23%-34%, so let's have a good Anglican compromise and aim for about 28% - quite a long way to go on that one)

- then I guess that a few more pounds will come off; but for the first time in years - possibly in my entire life - I am genuinely happy with the way that I look and, more importantly, feel. I have no wish to head for a size zero - a reliable 12 is just fine by me. I can now get back into loads of clothes that I thought I'd abandoned forever, and if I achieve the further inch loss above, there will be more still. (Not that it's stopped me indulging in some self-congratulatory retail therapy from time to time!)

You'll have gathered from these posts that there have been some vital contributors to this journey. My friends and family, sponsoring me for the Race for Life, praising and encouraging me. My husband, loving me at every size, happy to eat low-fat, walking with me, appreciating every achievement; and Kim: supportive, encouraging, professional, a friend. I could say she's changed my life; what is probably more accurate is to say she's enabled me to change my own life, which is actually far more important. God bless you all.

This isn't dieting; this is living the way that I want to live from now on.

Flop

First chance to go out for a run since getting back from holiday, emerging late afternoon from the emails and the laundry. Clearly in too much of a hurry to think straight!

Halfway down our lane I realised two things: one, that I'd forgotten to put on a sports bra instead of the regular variety (and despite weight loss, there's no way I can jog without major support!); and two, that the jogging trousers I'd grabbed, which I hadn't worn since last summer, were not only too big but actually falling down as I ran... (Have you seen that advert for Nimble bread where the workmen keep losing their jeans?) After an abortive couple of minutes of attempted running with one hand across the bazookas and the other holding up my trousers, I gave it up as a bad job and took a two-mile walk instead!!

This evening was our wedding anniversary (twelfth), so we had a lovely meal at the Ratcatcher's Inn, near Cawston. Having stuck to one glass of wine per night for several weeks, I felt decidedly tiddly on half a bottle...

Triumphant

OK, so anybody reading this is probably sick of me sounding smug... but this is more of an achievement than I'd have believed possible.

Every holiday I've returned from, since the dawn of time, has shown an increase of weight. This holiday I didn't worry about it too much: normal three meals a day, one glass of wine with supper (even a pub fish & chips one night!), and when my husband had a slice of lemon cake with his tea ("just to top up the carbohydrate, you understand") I'd have a mouthful. (Oh, and it's about time there was a photo of one of my greatest supporters, so here he is with said delicious lemon cake - we were visiting the beautiful and tranquil Helmsley Walled Garden at the time.)



The pedometer readings for the week have been impressive - lots of wandering up and down beaches, round towns, up and down the one-in-four hill into Staithes, and up and down the five flights of stairs in our cottage. During the days there, the lowest was just under 7,000 steps; the highest (on Thursday, which included my jog in the morning) was over 16,000. If ever there was proof that this is the way to eat, drink, be merry and look the way I want to, this is it.

When I last reported back on this blog (4th April), I was 10-12 (152 lb). I'd kept quiet about the scales registering 154 lb on the day we went away (as you do).

This morning it was 151 lb.

YESSSSS....

This is the life

A stunning day - less like April than July. Kim came with me to try out the Lenwade Lakes circuit - which Kim agrees with me is probably about half a mile or slightly more - six times round, so about three miles.

We took the first and last at a normal walk; #2 was at a much faster pace than my usual, which I kept up for about 3/4 of the circuit before dropping to a walk; #3-5 were all jogged at a rate of about 4.5 minutes for the half mile circuit (my last go, ten days ago, was about 5.5 minutes), with breaks between each. Next time, I need to try a slightly slower pace but for longer - if I can get up to 8 circuits comfortably, that will be about 4 miles - easily enough for the R4L distance.

And I loved it. As you can see from the photos...

Lunch afterwards back at my home with Kim - she loved my home-made bread (I've been a breadmaker-owner-freak-convert since January), but says it's made her feel half a stone heavier!

Sports gear - me?: 23/03/2007

After working with one of my computer training clients in the morning, I paid a visit to JJB sports again - this time for my jogging trainers. Oh, and whilst I was there, my bazooka holders - that's sports bra to the uninitiated - and, well, a couple of t-shirts and a bright frog green hoodie - well, they've got to be able to see me coming...

The sports bra is brilliant - Kim finds it hard to understand (being somewhat less endowed than me) just how much of a pain (literally) it is to have big boobs. They really are not all they're cracked up to be. They come into the room first, give all sorts of preconceptions about your personality, and even when I was at my very lightest back in 1997 - 133 lb - I was still a 34DD!! Being able to jog without getting a black eye is simply brilliant. And I love the trainers, too - New Balance. The JJB shop assistant was so helpful, too; we find that the Norwich shop assistants usually are. When I told him that this was my first ever set of running shoes, and what it was for, he told me that his girlfriend was doing it too.

To the gym in the afternoon. Kim's changed my routine several times, and I'm now using the rowing machine as part of the warmup - something else that I'd always avoided before, being afraid that my back wouldn't cope, but it seems fine. When I use the Nautilus now, I need to take the speed up to beyond 5 km/hr to get the HR up to the required 127-133 range; when I started, 3.2 km/hr was enough. We're obviously making progress!

PS: Tonight's glittering social occasion was the annual (and hotly contested) Swannington Quiz & Chips evening. I realised that my main problem on such occasions was not so much the fish & chips (I'd already resolved to have my usual one glass of wine, and [with the help of a bottle of mineral water] happily stuck to that resolution - I felt I could allow myself a meal like this occasionally!) but the things to nibble at whilst one is considering the answers to quiz questions. Take those Pringles away!

So I chopped up some celery, peppers and carrots, bought a jar of very yummy tomato salsa (about 100 calories even if I'd polished off the whole jar alone) and it did the job beautifully. I just kept the nosebag on throughout the questions, but everybody else loved them too - perhaps I've started something...

I think it's called behaviour modification. Or common sense. Or something.

Socialising: 04/02/2007

A new year drinks party at Peter & Christine's on the other side of our village. My husband is slightly startled when I suggest we walk rather than taking the car, but he's happy to go along with it... we reckon it's about half a mile each way. When we see how many cars there are there, and hence how little parking there is available, we're glad we did!

Now, a buffet. Hmm. One of my greatest downfalls - picking away without thinking. Let's see... make a beeline for the crudites and the tomato-like dips; yes, I'll have a glass of wine, but how long can I make it last?

Hooray! Managed to avoid all but a few small number (honest) of little sausages etc., and stick to the dippy things; and my one glass of red wine not only lasted me all lunchtime, but I left half of it!! Good grief. And it wasn't oh, no, I'm on a diet, I mustn't but actually, this is really what I want to eat and drink. Amazing. Something earth-shattering is happening here.

Later in the day, I take myself down to the gym, and follow through the stretches, the CV and the weight routine that Kim has emailed me. Glad I didn't have more than half a glass of wine...